o dear god. This was going to be a crazy enough week stress filled and emotional considering it's my last week at ACCA and I've been here for 4.5 years. Long time for one place, and even longer when its certainly not what you had wanted to do with your life. AKA - that's why I busted my ass this past year and worked/went to school full time. Yippee f'ing ka-yea for me. What the f*ck did that get me?? Well it got the degree I need to be a nurse and the knowledge and the satisfaction of knowing I could do it, along with some amazing new friends.
Well, lo and behold who has to f**k it up even more, yup u guessed it. HIM, I'll refrain from the name since it's not worth my f'ing blog space. But right now I'm FUMING - he STILL has shit at MY house, the one we got together, apparently cause I was ignorant enough to think he'd grow the f*ck up and become a man, u know I mean GET A DAMN JOB. So much for my neivity I guess, actually so much for his pathetic excuse for a man. It just amazes me that the WHOLE reason 'he broke up with me' (even though I consider it a mutual break up cause I had planned to do it the week before, but whatever) was so HE could be SINGLE. Then the f'er decides to get into a relationship within what 3 weeks of breaking up with me, and he really genuinely thought I would be OK with him dating someone else and living in MY house - I think not, bye-bye. At least I find comfort in the face that he was shit-faced when he met her and just walked up to her in a bar and started making out (god that's kinda like deja'vu for me) and that's what began their relationship. At least he has a job now, but that's only because her daddy helped him get one, otherwise I imagine he'd still be sitting on his ass doing NOTHING like he did the whole time I was with him. U think during those 4 months before he decided to get a job after I kicked him out that he bothered to come get his shit, nope sure didn't, but now that he has a job and I only have TEN days left before I need to have EVERYTHING out of the apartment he is too busy and cancels left and right when we picks times. That's ok cause if it aint gone when I move all my stuff, I will have a nice big TV and two large pieces of furniture that I don't want but I will certainly deliver them to his front f'ing lawn and see what he has to say about that.
OMG why oh freaking why do I do this to myself? I seriously want to begin banging my damn head on the fuckin wall over and over and over again hoping ONE DAY it will knock some sense into me. It would have been nice for me to listen to those who warned me, but such is life, and we all have to live our own, damn if I don't know that. My just about twin Kelly from school told me what she wanted to get me for Christmas, because she didn't understand why in the HELL I hadn't just cut the ties way back when, and that makes me a 'self-destructor' in my own terms. Anyway what she wanted to get me was one of those pointy things that u stick a bar ticket on when its completed, u know it stabs a hole in it? Well Kelly says I need one of those and that each time I convince myself NOT to break the ties I stab my hand with that, she thought it would be as self destructive, and maybe even better.
I'm over it, over it, over it - I've reached the f'ing boiling point. Get your shit, get out of my f'ing life. No more drama, I'm going to find a man who will treat me with the respect and give me the love and support I DESERVE.
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