W.W.J.D.

I just wanted to say HELLO to fellow blog readers out there and to let you know that it has come to my attention that other people read this blog???? OMG!! Who knew if you put something on the internet that the entire world would not be able to read it simple by google.com. Come on, get over it, grow up and move on. If you do not want people reading what your write on your blog go to hallmark, buy a journal or get counseling. Have a blessed day! And ask yourself W.W.J.D.?

Day 2

Boredom has set in - I don't shower till NOON cause I have nothing else to do - what a weird, weird feeling for me!! In any case I am running some errands today and carrying more and more to the car.....with the potential for taking it up to Moms tonight (have yet to decide).......other than that - it's studying for the NCLEX, reading my new book from Coll, and who knows maybe taking a damn nap! Tomorrow Tom is coming to get the rest of his things - that's going to be a real beautiful event I'm sure. I'll be good - I don't need a criminal record since now my background gets checked!!! :)

O and hey, D.B. - what are u doing today? It's all good, I have people from CANADA and AUSTRAILIA that check me out - and it scares me........LOL. WTF!

Pot calling the kettle black

I love it when you encounter an experience when YOU are charged with something u may or may not have done (in this case, 1/2 did), however the one accusing u did the exact same thing. I know this might be just about the vaguest blog I've ever posted, but I'm going to have to leave it at that. Doesnt make me feel one bit of regret knowing that it's a mutual action!!

What a ?? ( was gonna say day, then week, but ....)

I guess on the whole its been a damn good week (despite my earlier f-bomb post). This was my last week at work. Effective 5 pm today, I am no longer employed there; scary thing is my personnel file had already been filed in the terminated side (its the PC way to refer to quitting or getting fired, I don't like it, but that's what all the paperwork said!). I had several of the wonderful people I worked with take me to lunch, and had a group lunch where someone I can't stand actually said something nice about me (a lie I am sure...but)! I am now going to be a nurse. As people say, I am starting an entirely new chapter in my life. I don't know that life should be divided into chapters as such, more like segments or quarters, or something that isn't usually in such high numbers (as in 40 chapters to a book vs. 4 quarters to a game).

I think life is much more like quarters, the first quarter of your life (0-25 or so) you don't know what the hell u are doing, between learning about life and everything else, you are pretty much done for. I don't think that most people, and of course there are exceptions to this, decide what they want to do with their life until about their early/mid-twenties. And even if u do decide before then, u could quite possibly be in school until that time. I'm starting my next quarter just a little late, at least according to my schedule - I'm starting it now. The next 25 years ought to be my best - don't get me wrong, I am sure there will be several downers over them, but as far as experiences, this time should take the cake! I'm going to begin the career I've wanted and worked hard for, explore other countries, buy a house, get married, have kids (married OR not!), see my friends get married/have kids (cause most of em haven't yet!), and lord knows what else. And I stress NONE of those things are in a particular order. But its gonna be good times, and it's got to be less stressful and chaotic as the last 10 years of my life.

I do wake up some days and have this brief moment of shear fear......As in what the hell am I doing, I mean, I've changed careers, I'm changing living arrangements (AGAIN may I add), have new friends that are important to me (not that its taken away from the old ones!), and quite frankly feel like I've got no control! But the crazy thing is, I am COMPLETELY in control. I guess that's what happens when u finally get yourself where u want to be, u start questioning if that's the right place. Change - its inevitable, and trust me it sure as hell isn't a stranger to me......And I think considering the things that have happened over the last 10 years I've done pretty damn good with all the changes I've dealt with. I wont say I did it perfect, but I did it and its done - and I'm still kicking. I guess the bottom line is change (good or bad) is tough - it takes a toll and it makes u re-evaluate (thanks Tera!).

N e way - I'm looking forward to a little time not working, I'm sure it will bore the hell outta me after about day 2, but it will be nice to have some down time after the craziness I put myself through last year.

Simply stated

Friends are like the sky * they never run out
friends are like space * there is still more to be discovered
friends are like candy * some are sweet some are sour
friends are like family * they stick up for you in times of trouble

boiling point (apologize now, lots of f-bombs today)

o dear god. This was going to be a crazy enough week stress filled and emotional considering it's my last week at ACCA and I've been here for 4.5 years. Long time for one place, and even longer when its certainly not what you had wanted to do with your life. AKA - that's why I busted my ass this past year and worked/went to school full time. Yippee f'ing ka-yea for me. What the f*ck did that get me?? Well it got the degree I need to be a nurse and the knowledge and the satisfaction of knowing I could do it, along with some amazing new friends.

Well, lo and behold who has to f**k it up even more, yup u guessed it. HIM, I'll refrain from the name since it's not worth my f'ing blog space. But right now I'm FUMING - he STILL has shit at MY house, the one we got together, apparently cause I was ignorant enough to think he'd grow the f*ck up and become a man, u know I mean GET A DAMN JOB. So much for my neivity I guess, actually so much for his pathetic excuse for a man. It just amazes me that the WHOLE reason 'he broke up with me' (even though I consider it a mutual break up cause I had planned to do it the week before, but whatever) was so HE could be SINGLE. Then the f'er decides to get into a relationship within what 3 weeks of breaking up with me, and he really genuinely thought I would be OK with him dating someone else and living in MY house - I think not, bye-bye. At least I find comfort in the face that he was shit-faced when he met her and just walked up to her in a bar and started making out (god that's kinda like deja'vu for me) and that's what began their relationship. At least he has a job now, but that's only because her daddy helped him get one, otherwise I imagine he'd still be sitting on his ass doing NOTHING like he did the whole time I was with him. U think during those 4 months before he decided to get a job after I kicked him out that he bothered to come get his shit, nope sure didn't, but now that he has a job and I only have TEN days left before I need to have EVERYTHING out of the apartment he is too busy and cancels left and right when we picks times. That's ok cause if it aint gone when I move all my stuff, I will have a nice big TV and two large pieces of furniture that I don't want but I will certainly deliver them to his front f'ing lawn and see what he has to say about that.

OMG why oh freaking why do I do this to myself? I seriously want to begin banging my damn head on the fuckin wall over and over and over again hoping ONE DAY it will knock some sense into me. It would have been nice for me to listen to those who warned me, but such is life, and we all have to live our own, damn if I don't know that. My just about twin Kelly from school told me what she wanted to get me for Christmas, because she didn't understand why in the HELL I hadn't just cut the ties way back when, and that makes me a 'self-destructor' in my own terms. Anyway what she wanted to get me was one of those pointy things that u stick a bar ticket on when its completed, u know it stabs a hole in it? Well Kelly says I need one of those and that each time I convince myself NOT to break the ties I stab my hand with that, she thought it would be as self destructive, and maybe even better.

I'm over it, over it, over it - I've reached the f'ing boiling point. Get your shit, get out of my f'ing life. No more drama, I'm going to find a man who will treat me with the respect and give me the love and support I DESERVE.

Child Shot on Grey Eagle Court

This morning I awake like any other morning hit the snooze button about 5 or 6 times and then finally rip myself out of bed. Walk over to Justice's room and wake her up and we start our day. Breakfast is cooking and coffee is brewin' Justice is watching Disney and I am showering. I get out of the shower and my phone is ringing of the hook. At this point I have noticed I have missed several calls. (I was only in the shower for 10 minutes) Something is going on. Well come to find out a child had been shot on Grey Eagle Court. Yup that's where we live. Adjacent from my building is where they hold a daycare in the bottom part of another apartment building. At 7am this morning a little girl was shot by a little boy who was trying to take the gun out of his pack pack to show her. First I want to say thank you if you called to make sure we were ok. Second I want to say WHAT THE F**K!! What is going on with our children? Or should I be asking What is going on with the parents? Are we to busy to be involved that we just don't have time to monitor our kids anymore. I mean come on. If you are going to have a gun in your house then talk to your children about safety or put the gun in a safe place and out of harms way. I have a huge problem with parents not being involved with there children. It has been something that has bothered me since I have had Justice. I can't understand the ignorance that some people have when they bring a child into this world and assume that they are going to know how to take care of themselves. That is what WE as parents are suppose to show and teach them. So that they become respectable adults. It saddens me that I live in a society were some of the children are raising the parents. In closing this blog I would like to paint a picture for anyone who reads this. Justice and I are walking outside to our car this morning. Mind you she knows nothing of the morning's events. She see's the helicopter, police cars and news van's. She ask's what was going on. I told her a little boy hurt a little girl. She say's "Did he hurt her feeling's?" Thank God my child will never be one of those children who will bring a gun to school. I fear that she may once be a victim of those poor children who have no guidance in there lives.

LOL!!! What I've got to look forward to in the ER!

Oh man, was just watching one of my favorite medical-based shows (although a series and not a 'real' show), and I started laughing when I heard one of the doctors complaining to another "......and now I've got Detective 'onions for lunch' breathing down my neck......." and I just thought it was too funny. Now I am sure I will be exposed to much more enlightening and scary things equally, but I am truly looking forward to it!

Stay tuned, maybe I will rename the blog "Adventures in the ER".

:)

WTF ???!!!

Going to be a random very long one, I think. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Splain a few things to me - first, why the hell are men the way they are? Now I know there isn't a real reason, actually there is, the broken X chromosome, but besides that what makes them so bizarre? I realize men think the very same things about us, but since this is my blog, I'm correct in my thinking :). U know there are many people in my life in different types of relationships - each and every one of them has something to say (complaints and desires). True, if you had everything, life would probably be pretty damn boring, but........ Better yet, what exactly is marriage all about? And why get married if things may change WTF is up with crazy stuff coming out after the marriage - drinking, drugs, porn, laziness, stupidity, etc. I mean, hell if those things can remain hidden until u are for so long and then surface, for the worse - cause u know its a slim chance they will change for the better!! (And for those of you who are wondering, 'he' was not the reason for this post....Just things I've been pondering lately).

Tonight I listened to a friend - one of several I know that got married this year - and I'll be honest, it was crazy! I know they say if u make it through the first year, you'll survive, but still. I don't know if I can be tested like that and NOT turn around and say F off! I'll see u again never. I mean how can someone be one thing before you are married, and so totally different afterwards? What the hell gives them the right?? And God knows - it hasn't just been this one, I've heard many things from many others that down right scare the hell outta me and wonder if its really worth trusting someone. After all trust is what your relationship should be based on.

Maybe she's just right - some of us, and quite frankly the majority of the women in 'my' circle are independent and strong-willed. We don't need a man to survive, we don't need a man to make us who we are. Not saying we don't want one to spend the rest of our lives with, but ONLY if he respects who we are and supports who we are (and vice versa). Makes a whole lotta sense when I think of what someone else said the other day - she likes her freedom and independence. A relationship, and even bigger a marriage, is gonna mess up life as you know it - and do u really want that?? I told someone recently (cause they asked) that I handle change 'ok'. I mean change is change and it's gonna happen if we like it or not.......And hell I've been through enough - it's just not always what you want, u know?

On another note, how come when you have been loyal and devoted a lot of time and energy into something......That u end up being screwed? I'm going to have to leave this a little vague, but some of you will know what I'm talking about. And quite frankly its not fair, and I still have yet to decide what to do about it.

Doses of stupid:
1. Lady running the cash register at the food counter in Costco. Honestly, that's probably enough said, but I'll elaborate. First, Id like to say the line at the food counter was LONGER than the f'ing check out lines. Now that should have been the first clue that something wasn't right. Never the less, my sister and I proceed to get in line anyway, I mean hell all we wanted was some pizza and a hot dog - fairly simple, right? Apparently not, at least for the two ladies behind the counter.
2. WTF is up with those dumb ass cops on 270 pulling people over - I have finally witnessed in the flesh what my fellow bloggers have been tripping on over the past few months. Dude, I know we don't pay cops nearly enough to be that damn careless with their lives!!
3. My cat, cause the retard has recently learned how to jump up onto the railing of my balcony and walk his fat ass across it like he owns the place......Only now I'm waiting for his fatness to throw his balance off and him to go overboard!!

Enough for now, it's late, and unfortunately I have to work. Trying to blog more regularly now. Peace.

New Year's Survey

Happy New Year everyone!! :)))))))

Found this here little survey one someone else's site, and since I bore the hell outta people with all my emailed surveys, I figured I'd blog this one that way you dont have to read it if u dont want to!!

1. What did you do in 2005 that you’d never done before? Lived with my boyfriend
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year? Hahaha, I don't know if even made any so I'm pretty sure that means I didnt keep them!!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? Nope...
4. Did anyone close to you die? No, thank God.
5. What countries did you visit? None, but in 2006 I will visit at least 2 :)
6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? Time to spend with my godchildren (who noticably felt neglected this year), family and friends (who also suffered, but at least understood y).
7. What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? U know, this is a hard one, quite possibly the day I found out Michael was leaving ACCA - it was kinda one of those things that u 'know' could happen, but u never expect it.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? GRADUATING nursing school!!!!!!!!!!
9. What was your biggest failure? Not getting the 3.0GPA I wanted, however I did get a 2.906
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Uh a million cases of strep, last one landing me in the hospital.........tonsils came out soon and have since fixzed the problem.
11. What was the best thing you bought? Honestly, my bed - it is oober-comfortable!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? Oh, hows about mine??!!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? I'm just gonna plead the 5th on this one
14. Where did most of your money go? Bills (like thats a surprise) & school
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Probably something super simple u know like stickers on the toilet paper at your hotel?!
16. What song will always remind you of 2005? You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
17. Compared to this time last year, are you
i. happier or sadder? Sadder, but not SAD (happy but in a different sense for different reasons)
ii. thinner or fatter? bout the same, but WILL change before next year
iii. richer or poorer? poorer by a long shot.......gonna start fixing that real soon
18. What do you wish you’d done more of? Studying (just for better grades)
19. What do you wish you’d done less of? DRIVING
20. How did you spend Christmas? With family
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? Nope, fell out of it (well, I dont think u ever fall out of love, I think the person you fell in love with disappears and becomes something you didn't know they were, so u r still in love with the original)
24. What was your favorite TV program? Gray's Anatomy; Strong Medicine
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? Nope, just dislike a certain one a whole lot more than I did this time last year (most refreshing to know it wont be of my concern in about a month).
26. What was the best book you read? I dont think I read ANY except school books
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? Downloading songs and making cd mixes!
28. What did you want and get? Almost all my Xmas presents
29. What did you want and not get? A diamond ring (ok, just kidding) - an IPOD.
30. What was your favorite film of this year? Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Crash.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old? Unfortunately I had to work and go to class, but I met some of the girls at Outback for a drink, I turned 27!
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? To not have had to work and solely concentrate on school - but not many people have that option.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005? Whatever was clean and in the closet, or the HORRID uniform I had to wear to clinical.
34. What kept you sane? Zoloft, Wellbutrin and the people around me that kept saying, u can do it.....it will get better, and u will make it through!!!
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you admire the most? this isnt even worth answering
36. What political issue stirred you the most? This was the least of my worries.....
37. Who did you miss? Dad and my sisters in far aways lands
38. Who was the best new person you met? Several in school - it really is nice to connect with a small group of people who are going through the same craziness u are.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005: Sometimes what you think you want (or have) is really an illusion.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: 'This is my life, its not what it was before, all these feelings i've shared; and these are my dreams that i'd never lived before, somebody shake me cuz i must be sleeping' - by Staind - So Far Away.