How come....

I've always been the pessimist and seen the glass half empty. Always. But this year, I can't help but be proud and happy about what I've been able to accomplish. Nursing school, full time, through the summer....And working full time (although some from home yes). Who shouldn't be proud? So I've been optimistic (at least about this - somewhat)....Or maybe I've just been lucky. Yes I played a major role in making it all happen even when I thought I was going to loose my damn mind over the summer, yet somehow I made it through. It's now that I wonder if seven weeks from now I will really be able to take the test that gets me out of my program. Not because I don't think I can pass that test.....But because I bombed.......And when I say bombed.....I mean bombed the test I took Tuesday. Worse grade I've gotten in the entire program, and honestly might be worse than some of the ones I had at High Point. But I studied and I fell like it was more than I did for the first one! Numerous people in this program have said how do u work and pass these classes.....I guess it's finally catching up to me.

I now am faced with the task of passing the next 3 tests I have in this class with an 85 or higher in order to pass. That means pass with a C+, not a B- or a B, but a barely passing grade (for Marymount's nursing requirements). No extra credit is available, not even on the tests. Holy hell is all I have to say. If I get the C+, it will be the lowest grade I've gotten this entire program and it will pull my 3.0 down, but I'd be happy that I passed.

Dad, if there is ever a time I needed you, it's now. I know you weren't the medically proficient family member (or even close to it ;)), but damn I need some heavenly help.

It's scary to think that I've come this far and would have to repeat a class at the tune of about oh I don't know, a couple thousand dollars, but what's that on top of the 45K I already have in student loans........Anyway if I'm cranky or just out of sorts in the next numerous weeks (of course I mean more than normal), know its cause I could have potentially screwed myself into waiting another 4 months to start my career........ It's pretty scary to think I may not be where I thought I would in 2 months, cause damn if that doesn't screw my plan just a bit.

I guess since I'm not walking till next May it wouldn't be that big of a deal, but it would be nice to be done and out in the world all at the same time. Thanks for listening.