Amazing isnt it?

As most of you know by now, the guy I've been dating for 2 1/2 months died yesterday. Tragically, he was on his way to work early in the morning and hit a patch of ice on a 2 lane bridge, lost control of his Jeep and was broadsided by a tractor-trailor carrying lumber. I can only hope death was instantaneous. From the reports and photos, thats the only comfort I can take away from this.

Its amazingly hard to fathom for me the fact that he was just in MY living room less than 8 hrs before he died. I was just in that passenger seat, that no longer exists, 10 hrs before the fatal impact. And when we were together, he was just smiling and as happy go lucky as he always was. We had gone to the movies and hung out at my house for several hours afterwards. We said good night and I told him I hoped he had a good day a work. Typically I wish him a safe day (based on his line of work), but right now I cant even remember if I said that. Not that I think it would have changed things, just interesting that this time I cant remember saying it. He was always making me laugh one way or another.

Today, as I was looking for articles online to further help the shock sink in, I saw my quote at the bottom of my emails. "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on ". Funny, how I've got that on my emails and thats probably one of the best things I can keep telling myself right now. It doesnt ease the pain, doesnt even attempt to dull it. Just reminds me life will go on.

I learned after losing Dad how precious life can be, maybe I just needed another reminder. Maybe the wound from that loss was finally fading just a little and needed to be re-seared. Maybe I'm too caught up in my life to truly appreciate those around me: family and friends. Maybe we all needed the wake up call.

Whatever the reason he was in my life for such a short time, I know there is a reason and one day it will be clear. Right now its all a blur and I'm numb. I thought all the "bad shit" in my life was behind me. That maybe I was finally there and finally going to have just good things happen. And that 2008 was going to be a great one. As of now, its not proving to start out so well. I am having a hard time with it, but as always, I will persevere. Maybe a little more worn and damaged, but I will pull through.

I really am trying to hope, have high hopes, that once all this passes the rest of the year will prove to be my best yet. Because that is what Alex would have wanted. He always looked at the happy part of life, and seriously I never heard him complain. (Hahahaha, now u are probably wondering how he dated me!).

Rest in Peace Alex. You will be greatly missed.