Officially a resident of Mount Scary........

Sunday, as I was carrying the last few things out of the apartment, I was so emotionally confused. I wanted to ball, I genuinely did just want lose it and do one of those drama acts, where I’m hysterical on the floor - u know like a 2 year old who didn't get what they wanted. I thought it’s what I needed - but then I looked around at the empty apartment and cracked a smile, I know that I followed my heart. I took a leap by moving in with Tom. There are so many people who can’t say they've done that - but I can. It certainly didn’t turn out the way I imagined (u know, no diamond, no wedding, no kids, blah, blah, blah, hahahaha), but at least I can say I did it. I shut that door (and part of my life) and have about a million open windows I’ve got to climb/look through this month.

I’ve moved into Mom’s, I have my NCLEX (state boards) on the 21st - which will make me ‘officially’ an RN - I'm beginning to FREAK OUT about this. I know I can do it and will do it - but OMG the concept of me being responsible for so many people’s lives and well-being, holy crap – and I will start a new job. All of these things will bring whole new opportunities for knowledge, friends, love, and living life - in all new ways. Although that sounds exciting to me - it also scares the hell outta me. Change is inevitable, but damn, I’d like a little stability in my life for a while!!! Here’s to me staying at Mom’s for at least a year - maybe longer (start praying for my sanity and patience now!). When I move out, I want to be able to buy something - cuz putting $ into renting is a waste, at least in my eyes (and of course that is if u can find something u can afford!).

For those of you who watch Grey’ Anatomy, I feel like Meredith, when she said Addison Shepherd had her ‘McLIFE’ – sometimes I feel like Tricia (Tom’s girlfriend) has ‘MY McLIFE’. I do. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize I don’t want her ‘McLIFE’. He’s happy with her, she’s happy with him, so why the hell do I care? Because I do. I still care about him, no matter what I say - I still love him. I am not, however, still ‘in love’ with him. I guess the hard/weird part about all that for me is - Tom was my first true ‘love’. I've finally grasped the concept of loving someone but not being ‘in love’ with them. I have a completely different respect for it now. I get it; I really do (BUT IM NOT SAYING IT DOESN’T HURT!!). It's not that I don’t want him to be happy, I'd just rather it'd be with me (even though I know we’d most likely end up how we are)!

La la la la la la la (that's me trying to pleasantly transtion)

Now, onto the Mt. Scary move - O for starters, I wrote this damn blog entry in WORD cause I wasn’t able to set up the high speed yet and I flat REFUSE to use my mothers dial-up. Just not an option! I was at on point connected to the neighbors wireless, but upon coming upstairs into my room I lost it. And I didn’t feel like dealing with going back down the stairs (think I’ve done about oh at least 100 flights of stairs in the last week - man I should have a smoking HOT body by now!!). So I decided to write this in Word post it later.

I’ve already cleaned out the cabinets and pantry, and found all the counters - who knows what I will tackle later this week. Anything to try and get some sort of organization to this house, we all know how I am about that. The cats have already gotten into it, but nothing too bad yet. Scuttle is still primarily living under the bed, while Triton is attempting to venture out, but every little noise in the house makes him spaz and run back up the stairs. Devil just hisses at them both........and keeps looking at me like what in the hell have u done here???

Monday I went to the hospital and took care of paperwork and the physical, blood tests, drug test and badge. Weird feeling…. I had lunch with a friend from school in Baltimore - we ate some good Chinese and sushi - sadly enough Christine has her OWN pair of chopsticks at the restaurant......u think she eats there often?? We love to run our yaps and bitch about that lovely school we met at - and of course gossip about this and that and the other thing. I've practically driven by her house, as it was very close to Tom's old house - and Lord knows we were all over up there when we were together. At least I didn’t get lost on my way!

Tuesday I worked for Mom - trying to get her office just a bit organized.....however my room is still a mess, and there are still things ALL OVER the house, so I think that will be my task for Wednesday. I've got to study on a daily basis for the NCLEX from now until I take it - because not passing is not an option!

Thursday I'm hoping to catch up with another girl from school (Kelly - the CRAZY one!) - and do some NCLEX studying and maybe lunch. We have a lot in common when it comes to the cats and dating men who are momma's boys and kicking them out of the house.......so we connect on a lot of levels!! It's weird not being totally overwhelmed with a million things to do, but it's also nice. I just don’t want to get used to it - cuz once I start working, I know I'll be pretty darn worn out. And my feet are killing me from moving........what the hell are they gonna feel like when I am on them for 12 hours a day???? Time for the hunting of expensive really comfy shoes. I start orientation next week on Monday, better get on that mission!

Oh, and for those of you who will be around when I do decide to move out of Mom’s - I WILL and I repeat WILL have the $$ to pay someone else to move my SH*T! I will have been making good money for a while, and there will be no excuse - I insist everyone remind me of that when it’s time. And then, unless you are really in the mood to help me move - refuse to (and keep reminding me that I need to pay someone)!! I figure, since 1996, I've moved 12 times - and that's if I counted correctly........ It’s about damn time I pay someone else to do it!